19 April, 2012
Dear soon to be step-mom,
Pardon me for that… but as we haven’t met, I really don’t know how to call you. Forgive me too for barging into you like this. I just felt that this is my best chance to convey to you what I really feel at this point in time.
On the outset, please know that I wish you all the best in your upcoming wedding. Congratulations!
Also, I want you to know that I genuinely have no hatred toward you or whatsoever despite what Jonathan might have told you about me. I am not a BITCH and surely not a bad mother; because if I am a bad person, my children will not have an ounce of love toward their father. I taught them to love and respect their dad and if there is one thing that I can really be proud of even if Jonathan will disagree is that I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING BAD AGAINST HIM to Lorenz and Micah. It wasn’t easy I tell you but it’s the only thing I know that would allow my children to have a good relationship with him.
Yes, I have issues with Jonathan, I won’t ever deny that. If we did not have issues then we would not be where we are right now. Time and time again I tried to set aside my personal feelings for the sake of my children. I also don’t know what he told you about our history together. Let me just tell you that he cheated on me twice before he finally left us when Micah is eight months old. In the annulment papers that he filed, he also specifically put there that I was already pregnant when he married me, making it appear that it was the reason we got married. Of course I can go on and on and on… but of course that’s just me.
On Saturday, he fetched the boys because they will be spending the next two weeks with him in General Santos (that’s what he said). He specifically told us while packing their stuff that they need to bring dark colored pants because they will be part of the entourage of the wedding of Jimboy, the brother of his sister-in-law.
Very early on Sunday, I received this text from him…
“Thank you for the shirts. I don’t know how to say it to you because i really don’t know if need mo pang malaman. But just to show some respect, it’s me who is getting wed and the two boys has a part in it. Civil wed of course. Just a family affair that’s why Kuya Tads family will be there and my uncle and aunt from leyte. Hope you understand. Don’t worry about the kids, they are yours of course. Nobody can take them away from you. I just want them to be there. I’ll explain it to them and I hope you can also help.”
If you are in my position, how do you react to this? I have long shielded the boys from the pain of having a broken family and now this. How will my kids take it? Five days before the wedding… How on earth will this affect my children emotionally and psychologically?
Initially, I said that I really don’t have anything to say about it… but when it finally dawned on me I realized the gravity of the offense. This is an event that will affect my children for the rest of their lives. Don’t I have the right to at least be told earlier so I could have prepared them for it?
Yes, I fought hard with Jonathan about this. I said things… he said things… it was ugly and it eventually made the situation worst. All my pent up emotions for all those times that he disregarded my feelings when it comes to my children erupted like volcano. I am not sorry about it though. I actually felt better after the fight. It was liberating to say the least.
It would have been best if we explained together to the kids as one parental unit. I wanted to explain to them that they are gaining another family member in you and that you are not taking my place. I would have loved to tell them that even if daddy is going to get married he is not abandoning them and that Mom and Dad will always be there for them no matter what happens and that we love them very much. Jonathan said na ako lang ang nag iisip ng kung ano ano at wala lang naman din sa mga bata. They may not fully understand this now but when they look back they will appreciate the fact that we were honest with them and we both tried to involve them in the decision.
I know you don’t have the intention to disregard my feelings or my boys. I know that before you even thought of marrying Jonathan you already know that they will be part of the package and whether you like it or not I will also be part of that VERY heavy package.
By the way, I was told a Psychometrician has been consulted on how to explain it to the boys… did he/she said to shut out the mother when you explain it to them; that you should tell them few days before the wedding? or did he/she said that this will not have an effect on them? Just asking… I’d like to meet that one. I might just be able to get a nice advice on how to act properly.
Writing this letter is also another struggle for me, but then I just have to let it out. I am brutally honest sometimes you know.
It is also my hope that someday, when you make decisions that will somehow affect my children, consider involving me, it might just make life easier for all of us.
I am not waging war… I’m not made for that. This is just one mother trying to assert her rights.
Thank you and may you have a wonderful day…