For you…

19 April, 2012

Dear soon to be step-mom,

Pardon me for that… but as we haven’t met, I really don’t know how to call you. Forgive me too for barging into you like this. I just felt that this is my best chance to convey to you what I really feel at this point in time.

On the outset, please know that I wish you all the best in your upcoming wedding. Congratulations!

Also, I want you to know that I genuinely have no hatred toward you or whatsoever despite what Jonathan might have told you about me. I am not a BITCH and surely not a bad mother; because if I am a bad person, my children will not have an ounce of love toward their father. I taught them to love and respect their dad and if there is one thing that I can really be proud of even if Jonathan will disagree is that I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING BAD AGAINST HIM to Lorenz and Micah. It wasn’t easy I tell you but it’s the only thing I know that would allow my children to have a good relationship with him.

Yes, I have issues with Jonathan, I won’t ever deny that. If we did not have issues then we would not be where we are right now. Time and time again I tried to set aside my personal feelings for the sake of my children. I also don’t know what he told you about our history together. Let me just tell you that he cheated on me twice before he finally left us when Micah is eight months old. In the annulment papers that he filed, he also specifically put there that I was already pregnant when he married me, making it appear that it was the reason we got married. Of course I can go on and on and on… but of course that’s just me.

On Saturday, he fetched the boys because they will be spending the next two weeks with him in General Santos (that’s what he said). He specifically told us while packing their stuff that they need to bring dark colored pants because they will be part of the entourage of the wedding of Jimboy, the brother of his sister-in-law.

Very early on Sunday, I received this text from him…

“Thank you for the shirts. I don’t know how to say it to you because i really don’t know if need mo pang malaman. But just to show some respect, it’s me who is getting wed and the two boys has a part in it. Civil wed of course. Just a family affair that’s why Kuya Tads family will be there and my uncle and aunt from leyte. Hope you understand. Don’t worry about the kids, they are yours of course. Nobody can take them away from you. I just want them to be there. I’ll explain it to them and I hope you can also help.”

If you are in my position, how do you react to this? I have long shielded the boys from the pain of having a broken family and now this. How will my kids take it? Five days before the wedding… How on earth will this affect my children emotionally and psychologically?

Initially, I said that I really don’t have anything to say about it… but when it finally dawned on me I realized the gravity of the offense. This is an event that will affect my children for the rest of their lives. Don’t I have the right to at least be told earlier so I could have prepared them for it?

Yes, I fought hard with Jonathan about this. I said things… he said things… it was ugly and it eventually made the situation worst. All my pent up emotions for all those times that he disregarded my feelings when it comes to my children erupted like volcano. I am not sorry about it though. I actually felt better after the fight. It was liberating to say the least.

It would have been best if we explained together to the kids as one parental unit. I wanted to explain to them that they are gaining another family member in you and that you are not taking my place. I would have loved to tell them that even if daddy is going to get married he is not abandoning them and that Mom and Dad will always be there for them no matter what happens and that we love them very much. Jonathan said na ako lang ang nag iisip ng kung ano ano at wala lang naman din sa mga bata. They may not fully understand this now but when they look back they will appreciate the fact that we were honest with them and we both tried to involve them in the decision.

I know you don’t have the intention to disregard my feelings or my boys. I know that before you even thought of marrying Jonathan you already know that they will be part of the package and whether you like it or not I will also be part of that VERY heavy package.

By the way, I was told a Psychometrician has been consulted on how to explain it to the boys… did he/she said to shut out the mother when you explain it to them; that you should tell them few days before the wedding? or did he/she said that this will not have an effect on them? Just asking… I’d like to meet that one. I might just be able to get a nice advice on how to act properly.

Writing this letter is also another struggle for me, but then I just have to let it out. I am brutally honest sometimes you know.

It is also my hope that someday, when you make decisions that will somehow affect my children, consider involving me, it might just make life easier for all of us.

I am not waging war… I’m not made for that. This is just one mother trying to assert her rights.

Thank you and may you have a wonderful day…

V/R,

 

Teresa

I am beautiful…

I was deep in thought when I saw this passage in the little devotional calendar on my table — FEEL THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

There are so many times in the past when I felt like crap, felt like the ugliest person there is in the whole wide world, and more often than not I would wallow in self-pity and asked God why on earth he made me this way.

Is physical attributes the ultimate manifestation of beauty?

While growing up, I was made to believe that I am not beautiful because I am dark. I avoided dark colored clothes like the plague because people would tell me “ay ano ka ba, ang itim mo na nga naka ganyan ka pa ng kulay.”

In this country where the majority of people are “brown” (a US President once called the Filipinos his “little brown brothers”) it is hard to fathom where our penchant for whitening products came from. Visit any supermarket and drugstore in the country and you will see a wide array of these products, promising a white glowing skin in just seven days; saying that you’ll be prettier and more attractive if you have a fairer skin.

In the heart of a teenager, the only way to have admirers or suitors is to become fairer. I made that my mission in life till kingdom come. Believe me I tried all the whitening products you can imagine until I realized the futility of my efforts when after using those products for years my skin color did not change dramatically and no suitors came to profess their undying love and devotion.

Many say that BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.

How will I ever say I am beautiful when I myself don’t believe in what I am saying? I finally became comfortable in my color and accepted my physical attributes after a long hard look with what I really have as a person. Physical attribute is important alright, but it is not what defines me.

Honestly, the complements I got on how beautiful my skin is  from several US military counterparts when I was a 2nd Lieutenant serving somewhere in Palayan City in 2000 made the big difference.  This was complemented by my recent sojourn to the US last year.  So why bother being “white” or fair when so many are dying to have my color? Remember, the Filipinas who won beauty titles in international beauty pageants are the “kayumanggi”.

I also remind myself every once in a while that no matter how other people describe me; I should just take it as a complement and never let it affect me. After all, everybody is entitled to their own wrong opinion.

I also laughed so hard when I watched this conversation between Vice Ganda and Lucy Torres:

Lucy Torres: Lahat naman tayo maganda, wala namang ginawa ang Panginoon na pangit.

Vice Ganda: Eh sinong gumawa sa akin?

See? We sometimes love to make fun of ourselves and use our “itsura” as our way to make people laugh. It even became a source of income for others.

So, what am I trying to say now?

I don’t know. I am just trying to enhance my writing skills 🙂

Where do I begin?

In January of this year, I promised that I am going to write regularly. I was supposed to transform this blog into an online journal and I will be writing just about anything. It was actually an excuse since I really can’t write about my races or running as I have temporarily locked my running shoes somewhere.

Anyhow, it’s April and there’s nothing new in this lowly page. I have all the materials in my head but for whatever reason I never got to the writing part.

Where do I really start from here?

I made a running come back without training in January via the BDM 160… I did not finish that one. I did not feel bad as I really didn’t have plans of doing it.

On a whim, I registered for the BDM 102 and even did it for a cause. It was a DISASTER. This status on my Facebook account says it all:

“When I made the cut-off last year for the 3rd edition of the BDM 102, I promised that I will not do it again. What was I thinking when a month before the event I texted the RD that I am going to register? I. DON’T. KNOW. I ran, jogged, shuffled, walked, PRAYED. Do I regret not making the cut-off? NO. I just realized that TRAINING is the key… No justifications. I may have all the DETERMINATION, ATTITUDE and a heart full of FAITH; if I don’t train, then say GOODBYE to finishing a race within the cut-off and without PAIN 🙂 I will never CHALLENGE ANY RACE AGAIN. Magkikita pa tayo ulit, Bataan…”

My life has been chaotic since I came back from the United States five months ago. I changed my family name, went back to school, reported to a new unit, reconnected with my children…

I plunged into many things the past five months without a concrete plan. I did everything haphazardly… I am not in my best element. I was just trying to get by. I procrastinated to the hilt. There came a time when I thought that my name is slowly becoming synonymous to procrastination.

The Holy Week somehow gave me an excuse to look back and assess what I have been doing since I came back. I carefully jotted down some notes and tried to think hard on how can I bounce back.

Today is April 9.

Will see what will happen next…

Love a child and be blessed

“Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said, “May we never forget that in the service to the poor, we are offered a magnificent opportunity to do something beautiful for God.”

I am turning a year older in a couple of weeks. As I celebrate and give thanks to the Lord for all the blessings that He bestowed on me and my family, I would like to give back and embrace those who need love the most.

On March 3-4 2012, I will again thread the road that the 78,000 prisoners walked during the Bataan Death March in 1942. I will run the 102 kilometer route for the benefit of the “Tahanan ng Pagmamahal Children’s Home”.

As I carry out this noble endeavor, I would like to ask you, my dear friends, to join me. Please find it in your hearts to voluntarily pledge a certain amount for every kilometer that I will surpass for this project.

Through this, we can become instruments of goodness to the children who all deserve to be loved and cared for. Let us keep the flame of hope alive for them. Many thanks in advance!

Below is a brief profile of the “Tahanan ng Pagmamahal Children’s Home” for your interest. You can also visit their website at http://tahananpagmamahal.multiply.com/.

A HOME FOR THE LOVABLE AND LOVING ANGELS

“Tahanan ng Pagmamahal Children’s Home” is one of the ministries for the poorest of the poor under the Light of Jesus Community of Brother Bo Sanchez.

Since its organization in 2006, it has been a sanctuary for orphaned, abused, and abandoned children from 3-15 years old. It provides them with daily sustenance, safe and secured shelter, medical and dental care, formal and informal education, spiritual and values formation, recreational and leisure activities, and community and family life atmosphere. Above all, they give them hope and love.

The Tahanan is completely dependent on God’s providence for its daily operation, and with the growing number of children under their care, the orphanage is planning to build a larger house this year.

Thus, all help in any form are most welcome and highly appreciated.

“Tahanan – a home; a sanctuary; a tender spot in God’s heart for wounded, orphaned, abused, abandoned children; a home where love begets love.”

For your donation/ pledges, please refer to the bank accounts listed:
• BDO 4301-91022
• BPI 2670-0006-32
Account name: Tahanan ng Pagmamahal Children’s Home

You can also do more than sharing monetary and goods. Please love a child today! Be a Tahanan Partner!

For inquiries, you may contact the following:

Myrna Ortega: 0917-803-9139                            Rey Ortega:  0922-859-7035

myrna.ortega@gmail.com                                      reylindo.ortega@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

Reflections on the year that was…

                 I turn thirty-four years old this month…  yes, 34 – three decades and four years. I know of some people who would stop counting their age when they reach the big 3. Others won’t reveal their age and it’s a big No to ask a woman how old is she. I am not one of those… I am not making any judgment, that’s their choice – let them be. The same way that I want people to allow me to take pleasure in my own idiosyncrasies every once in awhile no matter how crazy they might be.

*****

                Last year my heart was overflowing with love and gladness… I am not saying that I don’t have it at this point in time; it’s just that I had to let go of bullet number 10. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I know you’ll come across this page… I am hoping that when you do, you’ll know that I thought of you in the nicest and most loving way. You were the first person who really made me feel that I am the most wonderful woman there is. You accepted me for who I am… just the way I am. I hope you understand why it has to be this way, although I know that at this point in time you don’t. I want to tell you why, but I have always believed that there are things better left unsaid. Thank you for letting me go; it’s hard for both of us… but then and again it was the right thing to do given the circumstances we are in. How I wish we met at a different time.

*****

                 It was also in 2010 when I finally made peace with the father of my children. It’s not that we’re not on speaking terms – we actually do; civil, pero “pilit”. I made the move to befriend him not for the sake of my kids but for my own sake. I don’t want to live my life bearing grudges. It was a terrible phase; one that almost took my will to survive, but I learned from it. I can honestly say that I am over that chapter. I just have to give it to Jonathan; besides that union produced my two adorable rascals. Hindi naman ata ako pwedeng bumuo ng bata mag isa 🙂 and I also have to thank him for leaving me. Because when he did, I found myself.

*****

                 Life took another turn when in April I finally decided that I can no longer endure the thought of being away from my boys. I know it was hard for my parents, but I guess I need them more beside me. It was a very trying time for the three of us and I know that I can never take back those two years. It wasn’t what I wanted way back in 2007, but it was what I can afford. I am happy to say that my boys and I are doing well. I am making up for all the lost times and sinasamantala naman nilang dalawa 🙂 I’m not complaining; I actually love it. Motherhood defined me and its one thing that I can truly be proud of.

*****

                 My sister and I also had a falling-out. We’ve always been close because it’s just the two of us. I’d rather not discuss the reason behind it, but suffice to say that I was hurt and I felt betrayed. I so wanted to stand for her but I had to let her go so that she’ll realize her shortcomings and she will learn to be responsible and accountable for her actions. I guess I also have myself to blame why she turned out that way… I was such a spoiler and I always sided with her even when she was wrong. You could just imagine my frustration when despite everything… she chose the other way.  Everything is ok now between the two of us. I am still glad that we had that falling-out. I can still feel a tinge of sadness when I look at her now but I know that her experience thought her the hardest lesson; she’ll still need more guidance in the face of what she has right now, but I am sure she learned her lessons well… besides, ate will always be there for her no matter what.

*****

                 Mother’s day saw me finishing my ultra-dramatic first ultra marathon. I did the 50Km race of Sir BR right at the backyard of the former address of the Officer Candidate School.  That route was a silent witness to all that I went through from 06 April 1999 to 08 April 2000. Who would have thought that ten years after I was commissioned as a 2LT I will go back to that place just to run 50K? I loved it! I’m sticking out my tongue right now to those who use to tease me because I always collapse during our road runs hehehe

*****

                I went back to school in June for my second year of MC D at the UP-D. How I love school… it gave me another perspective in life and I just love my classmates and my Professors. They are the best! I miss them now since I wasn’t able to enroll for the second semester due to that deployment (more on that later). I wish to go back very soon!

*****

                  When I started running, my only wish was to finish a marathon before I turn 35. I finished the Milo marathon in July in 4:38. Not bad for a first timer, but as they always say the first time hurts like hell… it was. More so because I didn’t qualify for the finals; it broke my heart, but that’s the way it is. Despite the horror of Milo, I still want to run that one and settle the score 🙂 I will come get you this year, I promise you that.

*****

                I closed August with the sensational P2P finish. Thanks you so much Team BR-P! You are simply the best… TFC, till next time…

*****

                September was Viva La Virgen… I signed up for the Camsur Marathon despite the injury that I sustained during the P2P. I finished that one in 5:03. I actually planned to run all the marathons in 2010 as my preparation for BDM. I also planned to do all the Ultramarathons that Sir BR will stage prior to BDM. Oh well…

*****

                I was so stressed in October due to several school turn-ins and other matters. It was also about this time when I received a message from the Personnel Office of the Army that I was considered for a UN posting in New York in January 2011. That one was a dud though since I was informed way after the deadline of submission of requirements to the UN Headquarters in New York. I wasn’t that affected with it since I wasn’t really prepared for it anyway, and besides that will still be deliberated by the UN along with the recommendations from the other member nations so it will be “suntok sa buwan”. I was at the right place at the right time when the candidate for the PKF-Staff in Golan Heights wasn’t able to meet the requirements of the United Nations. I was asked to submit my application since I am somehow qualified for it.

*****

                I was so ecstatic when I learned in November 4 that I will be the primary candidate for the PKF-Staff. This is so unexpected; but it was a welcome development to my career and to my financial status. It will be a great help to me and the kids and it will surely go a looooooooong way. I then applied for a leave of absence in my Masteral Class since I was supposed to leave in November 25. I went through the mandatory Physical and Medical Examination. I was all set to go. Only to be told that I am not fit to be deployed… what happened after that was torture – physical and emotional torture at its best. I even had to forego running the Tagaytay-Nasugbu 50Km run. I retreated to my cave and dealt with the pain away from the prying eyes of some people. I also hid it from my friends until I realized that I had to let it out. I learned so much from that experience; but one thing is sure, it didn’t break me. Yes, I was devastated for a while but life is how you make it. I don’t have any choice but to bounce back… after all, this is nothing compared to all the things I went through in the past.

*****

                I ended the year with the RDR 32Km run inside my playground in Camp Aguinaldo without any training. I slacked to the nth and was brought to my senses that I need to get back on my feet and start pounding the pavement again if I really want to join the BDM. The holidays were doubly special owing to the fact that after five years we spent the holidays together as a family. Jonathan and I both know that we can never go back to where we were five years ago, but we can at least be the best parents for our children. It felt good and somehow it gave us a semblance of what a family is. It was also in December when I finally decided to run the CCM…

*****

                If there is one thing that I learned the past year is that patience indeed is a virtue. Those who know me could attest that I am the most impatient person there is. The deferment of my deployment strengthened my resilience. Come to think of it, maybe the reason I wasn’t deployed is that I was meant to run CCM and meet amazing people in Cebu. Then it dawned on me – I am therefore destined to run the BDM 102 in March. Don’t I just love my life?

                HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I’m Back…

                January is drawing to a close… I last visited this page in November. I was supposed to turn it into a journal since at that time, I just got my orders that I will be leaving for an overseas post in December. Well, I didn’t leave… I won’t go into specifics but suffice to say that I was shattered. I lost the motivation to write, to run, and I cave in to the sadness and frustration that I felt at that time. For weeks I was in limbo. I was so stressed out; I lost weight without even trying and I was rushed to the ER because of severe gastric pain. Looking back at that particular incident makes me laugh. I cried like a baby when the Doctor wanted to do a skin test because he wants to make sure that I’m not allergic to Diclofenac. I stood my ground and told him that I am not allergic to it and that if I suddenly develop a reaction, I will absolve him of any responsibility. He tried to explain to me why the skin test is needed blah blah blah… only then that I realized that he is damn cute! I suddenly felt the pain vanishing into thin air! Kidding aside, I was released shortly after that and was just given oral medication with a strict instruction from Doctor Cutie that I’ll come back if the pain will not subside… hhhhhmmmm I guess he just wants to see me again!

                It took me a while before I told my friends what I am going through… I was having a déjà vu especially when I was subjected into something that brought back all the sad memories of an event that happened almost five years ago. It was like rubbing salt to injury. I so wanted to walk-out and never come back, but I stayed. I stayed through the humiliation and clenched my fist whenever the urge to reason out arises. I learned that patience is indeed a virtue… and for a while there I thought I’d become a Saint for enduring it.

                I learned a lot from that experience… cliché as it may seem but I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason. I had to go through that so I’d appreciate that I am still blessed and that the good still outweighs the bad. I am still grateful for everything that I have. What’s important is I am still here and I still have the time to rectify the mistakes and be a better person altogether.

                At this point, I can honestly say that I am beautiful, I am loved, and I am enjoying life 🙂

                Watch out for my succeeding posts and I do hope that you will again visit this page to see what I have been up to and for you to once again be entertained by my antics and never-ending quest for adventure.

                 I love you all!

Megamind!

I am back!

In a few days changes will be implemented in this lowly page to make it more ME 🙂 It will also be transformed into a personal journal where I will write about things that I want to share or just about anything that will catch my fancy.

So what’s with the title? I don’t know hehehe I watched it with the kiddos yesterday and I liked it. Megamind = Change or maybe when bad becomes good. So I am thinking that I can make this page better, more informative, and more fun to read. But please don’t expect too much, this is still my page and I’ll write whatever I want.

Ano daw?

I don’t know what’s happening to me… it’s been two weeks since I started having feats of a gnawing feeling. I am not sure what it is, but I guess it could only be connected to my upcoming races; the Laguna Relay and the PAU, races that I think I am not so ready to do.

After my trip to Corregidor, I vowed that I will really increase my weekly mileage. I actually did 15K on Black Saturday with the team Boring which I immensely enjoyed and a 25K on Easter Sunday with the Team CB which I also enjoyed. I also did back to back the following weekend. I did the first 20K of the PAU with my buddies at the Team BR-PG and paced the Hotlegs with Carins and Carlo to a new Pikermi PR… so what gives? What’s this gnawing feeling all about? I don’t know – I really don’t.

Was I thinking when I registered for these races? Do other runners (recreational or competitive) feel this way at some point?

All I ever wanted is to have fun and to really enjoy the experience… and of course to at least have a respectable finish time. I was never pressured or stressed in my previous races, so why am I having doubts now?

Could be the hormones, don’t you think?!

HAPON Part II

Friday: Woke up energized and well-rested. We laced up our running shoes for our early morning run. We don’t have any route but since we weren’t able to visit the Eastern part on Thursday, we decided to go that way. Before we left the room, the girls decided that Elay will be the one to bring the camera so as to save the battery of Jean’s digicam.

            Tere: Elay, make sure na makuhanan mo ako ng picture ha kasi ilalagay ko sa blog ko at para may ebidensya na tumakbo ako sa Corregidor. Ayan kuhanan mo ako ng naka talikod. (No answer)

          I looked behind me and – Nada! No Elay and no Feivy in sight! It was just me and Jean… Goodbye documentation! I guess the two was left behind when Jean and I started to jog.

            The view was breath taking… my knees almost gave up when we reached the north entrance of the Malinta tunnel. Ang tarik naman nito! I can now feel the agony of the runners who took part in the Conquer Corregidor 10-miler last year. Whew!!! As we went further to the East, Jean and I tried to remember our history. We passed by the Filipino War Memorial but decided not to stop so as not to ruin our momentum; we just promised that we will see the sights on our way back. The view was just beautiful in that part… the tail of the Island is very visible and we had the best view of the Caballo Island.             

            I wanted to increase the pace, but worried that Jean may not be able to keep up with me so we ran slowly and just enjoyed the serenity of the place. Ang sarap lang lumanghap ng sariwang hangin, wala pang sasakyan, kami lang ang taong tumatakbo. We were also able to see monkeys along the road; some are even jumping from tree to tree.

           We continued to run farther because we were looking for the Lindley Airport since we saw a sign showing its direction earlier. The airport was found on the tip of the Eastern part which is very near the tail. The bonus when we reached that part was our discovery of the Mindanao Garden of Peace; this garden was realized through the efforts of the Anak Mindanao Party list and some other individuals and organizations. It is actually in honor of the victims of the Jabidah Massacre.

            It was in that area where you can have the best view of the Caballo Island – it was really a sight to behold. Sayang! We didn’t have a camera…

           We looked around for a while then decided to go back because it is getting hot. We were talking about what could have been and what could have happened if the war didn’t happen and so on and so forth… this one just stood out of my memory.

              Jean: Buti nalang pala ma’am wala pa tayo nung nagka gyera ano?    Ang hirap siguro nun.

             Tere: Oo nga kasi kung buhay na tayo nun baka na rape din tayo ng mga Hapon!

            We laughed so loud our laughter reverberated into the woods.

           We passed by the Filipino War memorial before heading to the transient facility where we were staying. We were wondering why Armando didn’t take us here, lack of time perhaps.

          It was a good run; I didn’t know how far we covered but a friend estimated it to be more or less 12k back and forth.

          We found Febs and Elay at the hammock near our room; nadala pala namin ang susi! We told them what we saw and made them inggit to the max 🙂  since we will leave at around 3pm, we asked Jasper, Jorge, and Den-Den (our very kind tour guides/friends) to please accompany us to explore some more. We then decided to go back to the East for picture-taking.

         Trekking brought us to the Malinta Tunnel where we explored the 1000bed hospital and most of the laterals… nandun ulit ang mga kamag-anak ni Casper. Instead of walking another 3-4km to reach Lindley and the Mindanao Garden of Peace, we were lucky to hitch a ride with Kuya Tony who was heading in that direction (Thank you, Kuya). Hmmmmmmm dumadami na ka-berks! After taking lots and lots of pictures we headed back to the Filipino War memorial for more pictures…

inside the filipino war memorial

           We then proceeded to the abandoned beach resort to swim, lunch, and buko. The beach was super nice… according to the boys the beach closed due to some management problem. Wasted resources, wasted beauty.

the beach resort...

          We stayed in the beach for another hour; in as much as we wanted to stay longer; we can’t since we have a boat to catch. The boat will bring us to Mariveles then we’ll take the bus from there to go back to Manila.

          The four of us had a great time… we went home tired but happy and full of memories. We also made a pact that we will be travel buddies from now on and vowed to go back to the Island in the not so distant future.

The day after tomorrow…

I am pretty sure that at this point in time, my blogger friends would have written their experiences about the Condura run… Well, it has been two weeks after the said event and this page is still silent on what happened to me on that day. I had a wonderful time. I won’t write about the route, the excellent hydration, the awesome support crew, or how good I felt after seeing all my friends accomplish their mission for the day. I know I will not be vilified if I digress for a while and write a bit of a reflection on the year that was…

About the same time last year, I was at cross-road. There are so many things that I wanted to do but couldn’t because of work restrictions and so many other personal reasons. I was also having a hard time trying to reconcile the fact that I am getting tired of what I was doing. I wanted to leave, but I didn’t know how to do it. I agonized about it day in and day out…

They say that burn-out happens to every individual in varying degrees. I guess at that point, it was hitting me BIG time.  I was touchy and crabby.  I was haggard, so like the girl in the stresstab commercial. And when I lamented to my friend how I was feeling, he said “Teng, I guess you are experiencing midlife” I was like HUH?! Are you kidding? I just turned 32! But then I guess, he was right… or maybe I was in denial.

Well, a full year had pass.  I am not saying that I am over some of my personal issues, but suffice to say that I am in a much better situation now.  I must have done something good to deserve such redemption.

It was a very trying time at the beginning of the year, but it slowly became better due to some well-meaning people who believed in me and indulged me in my idiosyncrasy when I needed it.  Without them I may not be where I am now… I know I can never thank them enough but I do hope that in time I can also do to others what they did to me.

 And as I bid my 32nd year goodbye; allow me to thank the following:

  • My sister for always being there and for assuming my Mommy duties… I love you.
  • To my precious boys Lorenz and Micah for accepting Mommy for all her frailties and shortcomings. I love you both. Mommy may not be physically present all the time, it doesn’t mean that I love you both less.
  • To the head of the Mafia and his family for the unconditional love and acceptance.
  • To my friends over at the Eagle compound, there is not a day that I don’t miss all of you 🙂
  • To all my friends who were with me during those trying times… all of you are always in my heart wherever I may be.
  • To the LMs – seventeen years and counting, through thick and thin you were there.
  • To my bestfriend, need I say more?
  • To my Takbo.ph family, it seems to me that I have known all of you forever. Thank you for the very warm welcome and for all the happy times that I had with you. Looking forward to lots of wonderful running memories.
  • To BR for the inspiration…
  • To my classmates and buddies at the BR clinic, for the gift of friendship and encouragement.
  • To Coach Titus for your patience and for everything that you have taught me. Thank you, Coach even if most of the time I disobey you.
  •  To the one person who said I will always be loved, I love you too.

              Thank you so much dear God for giving me yet another year… thank you for the year that was.

 In closing, let me share with you a text I received from a very dear friend:

 “GOD PLACED DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES FOR A REASON. SOME TO CHALLENGE US, SOME TO INSPIRE US, SOME TO STRETCH US, SOME TO ENCOURAGE US, AND SOME FOR OTHER GOOD REASONS… BUT DON’T FORGET THAT YOU ALSO PLAY A UNIQUE ROLE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE. SO BE HAPPY WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING. NO MATTER HOW SMALL OR HOW DIFFICULT YOUR TASK IS… ONLY YOU CAN DO IT! AND ONLY GOD KNOWS HOW FAR YOUR INFLUENCE CAN GO. HAVE A WONDERFUL JOURNEY IN LIFE”.